Feeling Sort of Left Coasty
Keep in mind that I’m originally from West Texas, so I often come across these Only-In-San Francisco parenting moments. They always amuse me, and I’ve been collecting quite a few lately.
Only in San Francisco…
The PTA volunteers nearly come to blows over the proper placement of the drag queen on the school carnival posters.
There is a drag queen featured as a premiere attraction at the school carnival.
You get serenaded on your birthday by two cool dad friends who play jazz improv on the piano and violin in the school cafeteria every Tuesday morning.
You are concerned at the playground, not because the crazy man who keeps talking to you has glitter all over his face from last night’s party, but because he might run off with Daddy’s basketball.
We get to take our kids out of school early due to “Orange Fever” (the Giants World Series Parade) and not get counted officially absent.
Chinese New Year is a public school holiday.
Families that pay $2500 a month in rent are considered middle-class and people ask them how they found their bargain home.
You decline an invitation to a birthday party because it is in the Marina and you haven’t set foot in the Marina since 1993 and damn well aren’t about to start now.
You attend a “zero-waste” birthday party, hosted by two dads who drive an old Mercedes fueled by recycled cooking oil.
Another school-parent-volunteer feud centers on the degree and quality of the organic mulch in the school garden.
A child on a playdate tells your child she is gross because she eats meat and your child thoughtfully explains that the meat she eats is local and has been treated well.
Your child builds, out of legos, a “hot tub for hairy men who like to go there after work.” (I honestly have no idea where this came from, by the way.)
The Macy’s Santa Claus gets fired for telling an off-color joke and is immediately hired by Lefty O’Doul’s (a bar), and lines of families stretch around the block.
Your Big Girl loves to tell the story of “Remember that time we ate McDonalds? And it was so nasty? And it made us all act mean to each other?”
Only in San Francisco….Okay, and maybe Portland.
–Robin Dutton-Cookston is a writer, editor, and mama. Check out her blog at The Foggiest Idea.