MamaBlogger365 – Happy Hormones by Elena Skoko
There was a moment when I felt I wanted a child. I opened my gates to the universe in an archaic dance invoking the ancient cheeky goddess Baubo. She had a laugh and fulfilled my wish. My consciousness burst into million fragments, my body liquefied into fire. I was forging my new self.
From the moment when I expressed my wish I started gaining weight. It was like my mind was already pregnant and my body followed. Then, it happened. I was grateful, I was ecstatic, I was confused. The perception of my body changed. If before I was worried about every single gram balancing on my scale, focusing on my belly, terrified about its bloatness or floppiness, now I was full of joy glorifying my new roundness.
I was looking into the mirror with pride. I was adoring myself like never before. Sure, I had ups and downs, I wasn’t in control of anything. My mind was lost in the upper skies singing with cherubs, my body was uselessly trying to regulate the urging tide of hormones. It took a while, but after few months I was riding my wave of blissfulness like a pro. I was enjoying and showing off my new breasts. I was exposing my skin, soft and smooth to the eyes of the world. I was swaying my beautiful hair left and right. I was walking straight and proud, but most of the time I was laying in bed for long hours.
I had the urge to document my transformation. It was something beautiful happening to me. This change, that before I was so afraid of, was the most sensual metamorphosis I`ve ever had the chance to witness. I was afraid of my belly becoming big, yet now it was getting humongous right below my chin and this fact was making me happy! I was horrified of outgrowing my jeans for half a size, and now I could only wear the last number of jersey leggings, magnifying my big ass triumphantly reigning on the top of my luckily long legs. Yet, I felt like a queen.
I disdained maternity apparel and brazenly squeezed in silhouette-making tops and fancy dresses. With 14 kilos more, I had the feeling of rising from the foam on top of a shell. I had the same mysterious smile glowing on my face. The nature have thought about everything, that humorous bastard. That tricky cheeky funny lady sprinkled a fist full of magical powder right in front of my eyes – they call it happy hormones. She sprinkles them all over and around a pregnant woman making her feel like goddess and making other people surrounding her see the beauty of creation instead of radical disfigurement of a female body.
For nine months I walked in front of the mirror and winked. From time to time I clicked, downloaded and saved.
MamaBlogger365, a year-long project coordinated by Mamapalooza, needs you! Tell us how you’re re-framing motherhood and help the Museum of Motherhood secure a permanent home in 2011!