MamaBlogger365 – Learning To Live, A Journey to Authenticity by Elle Gallo
The IntroductionI talk to angels. I record detailed conversations with Spirit Guides and with my Inner Being. I’ve been at it for about 15 years now. I’ve learned to follow signs, trust my instincts, and expect miracles. Nothing could have prepared me for the warnings, messages, lessons, exercises and now, the emerging physical manifestations of 2010’s conversations.
There’s this one particular angel — we met officially on my 39th birthday, in January 2010. She re-introduced me to my personal power when, after a Goddess-inspired, intentional and purposeful miracle-making and prayerful weekend with my two soul-sisters, I stopped a driving rain in an instant. Thank Goddess there was another person who witnessed the event, because I can still easily convince myself that it was all in my imagination! Although I sensed Her, and felt Her presence presiding over everything we did during that memorable birthday weekend, when the rain stopped on my demand I heard Her voice as I hear my phone ring. She spoke clearly and I saw through a thin veil her long golden-streaked red locks falling over my shoulder. She laughed at my shock and with an all-knowing smile, lovingly instructed: “Don’t abuse it…”
Since that weekend I have heard her, seen her, and felt her on a number of occasions, but the really mind-blowing, life-changing stuff started again on a fateful family vacation to Bar Harbor in late August.
A five-hour drive in a minivan with three children 10-years-old and under can be trying in the best of circumstances, but for this Momma it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I’d been pursuing a music career full-time for about six years (I’d been pursuing it all my life, really, but with all the starts and stops in between, this last stretch is the only one I can pat myself on the back for). We were in full swing, having worked anywhere from 8-20 gigs a month, including opening for quite a few national acts. The band and I had just been offered the “big break”… the one that would undoubtedly take us to the next level: the official House Band for The House of Blues in Boston. It had been a long half-year. Heck it had been a long few years, with late nights, lots of parties, and lots of admirers bearing lots of gifts: good-for-the-soul ones, and not-so-good-for-the-soul ones, as it turns out. I was beginning to see my family as an interruption in my career… although I didn’t recognize it that way at the time. All I knew is that they were pissing me off. All the time.
My husband: I knew right away that Joe Gallo was “The One”. Upon returning home to my parents after our first date, I woke my mother and announced that I had just been out with the man I would marry. He took some beating over the head to actually ask me for a date, and I had just about cancelled it when he was more than one-half of an hour late; but I knew. Even though I had to let him go to pursue someone else a few months later, I knew. Even though there were disappointments, I knew. And when he told me that he was taking the night off from his pizza business to help his father’s friend with a laborious garage job (totally believable alibi), I knew he was going out shopping for an engagement ring. And even though we’d never spoken of marriage, when we made plans to go to the beach after he got out of work on July 3rd, 1993 (which we often did), I knew he was going to ask me to marry him.
So, 16 years later, here we are on the five-hour minivan ride en route to Bar Harbor, Maine. I’m sitting in the van and the kids are obnoxiously and painfully bickering and fighting about every single thing one of them says, does or even thinks. I’m wishing I were somewhere else, or even better, ALONE! And the feelings and thoughts that had been brewing for quite a long time are bubbling, surfacing, and they are not pretty: “No one in this van enjoys my company, no one in this van appreciates what I do for them, no one in this van accepts me for who I am, no one in this van even likes me or wants me to be here. It is not possible for me to be myself in any way, shape or form while I am with these people.” My energy is swirling, the dark muck has risen to the top of my skin and it’s oozing out all over. After years of pacifying, avoiding, hoping for better, I’ve reached the end. Life as it was is over! I’m done pretending. I’m asking for a divorce. As I approached the brink of self-combustion, milliseconds away from bursting wide open and screaming out loud the words for the whole world to hear, I contemplated my final question: Do I tell him while we are on this vacation, or do I wait until we get home?
“Ding-a-Ling… You’ve got mail…”
I’d been a subscriber to Neale Donald-Walsh’s daily emails for a couple of years. His “Conversations With God” series was one of my life-changes in the 1990’s. I’d come to learn that unlike my other online subscriptions, Neale’s notes came at any given time during the day, and very often were pertinent to my immediate situation. “Oh really?” I thought and clicked it open:
“On this day of your life, dear friend, I believe God wants you to know…
…that giving up is not the answer. Neither is giving in.
Stand your ground.
There is a way of doing that without having to be
combative. There is a way of hanging on to your true self,
and demonstrating it, without resorting to aggression.
But giving up and giving in is not the way.
Simply and quietly claiming your right to be You is the way.
You know exactly why you received this message today.
Love, your friend — Neale Donald Walsch”
“Okay, Universe,” I thought. “I’m listening…” and I breathed deep. I asked for help. I asked for strength. I asked for courage, to be myself quietly, to ignore the pangs of guilt that came with every idea and every move I made within the circle of my family. I asked for assistance to calm my boiling emotions, and She spoke. She offered me a chant that calmed me down every time the kids’ energy started to wire me up. Again I breathed deep, because She reminded me to. Later that evening, after we’d unpacked and done some fun, vacation-type activities, I ventured outdoors alone. Her long golden-streaked red locks danced over my shoulder as She spoke to me again: “When midnight marks your fortieth year, your path and direction will be perfectly clear.” I understood the power of Her words. Continue to turn inward, to listen, to quietly be myself, without aggression. No decisions, no predicted outcomes, just “BE”… and let it all go. My 40th birthday was only five months away.
For another month I tried to keep all my balls in the air and at the same time download the message I had received, and follow the instructions I had been given. I’ve been blessed by many awakenings over the years and each has led me to peel off unwanted layers and to change; most times pretty dramatically. But this time, well… this time was urgent. There was a deadline. I’ve ended and begun many chapters over the years, but this one felt like the conclusion to the entire story. This one was really big. And I knew that in order to fulfill the lesson, I had to make changes — but I wasn’t changing. I needed to venture deep within to places I’d not been before, to listen to my true inner-self, to get very quiet; but my life was the exact opposite of quiet. So desperately I wanted to heed the warning I’d received, but there were obligations to so many. Not just my husband and children, who were still pissing me off, all the time; but to my band mates, my wonderful family of merry men who trust my guidance, support my vision and give me a strong musical foundation to perform upon, with their hopes attached firmly to my success; the fans who count on us to feed them the energy that they take with them from show to show; the light-seekers who ask for my help in troubling times… and so many others whom I love to support and give to. So many commitments and projects, so many things to do. Finally, the Universe, hearing my desperate call, provided me with the circumstances I needed to fulfill what I truly wanted and needed the most: Quiet.
I became utterly exhausted. My body began to ache, everywhere; my joints, my muscles, my bones, my heart, my soul. It was unmistakably my third spiral in 15 years into the dark world of depression. In hindsight I can see the exact moment that the “STOP” sign went up. It was the third weekend in September and I had just finished one of my most memorable gigs, a duo with my longest band member. As I was breaking gear down and bringing equipment to the van, I took a bad fall — the kind that you lay there as long as you can and pray that you are all right. Two weeks later I cancelled every single show for the rest of the year — including our House of Blues residency.
And it got quiet. Really quiet. Eerily quiet.
And then, the vision: In a flash there was a book, a store, classrooms, mediations, herbs, stages, movement, and most importantly, peace, joy and authenticity. I knew I was embarking on the rest of my life!
And so began my new journey: Learning To Live.
The conversations, messages, lessons and exercises revealed to me over the last 11 months have changed me forever. They healed my body, my mind and my spirit. I invite you to take this journey as well, for through it you will learn to
* Love Your-self
* Know Your-self
* Trust Your-self
* BE Your-self
Until next time… Be Happy, Be Healthy and Be Authentic.
Elle Gallo is a working-like-crazy stay-at home Mom in Massachusetts. An award-winning singer/songwriter, she has opened for Travis Tritt, Grace Potter and The Nocturnals, Blondie, J Geils and many others. The founder of The Eve Rising Foundation and the executive director of The Eve Rising Music Festival, Elle also is a board member of her local Cultural Council. She is the creator of Authentic Sentiments and Bath Blessings, and coaches on-on-one, is available for group lectures or to facilitate more intensive workshops. You can read more excerpts from Learning To Live at www.ellegallo.blogspot.com or learn more about her music at www.ellegallo.com.
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Photo courtesy: Lady In The Water by Robert Kraft