MamaBlogger365 – Surviving Marriage: On the Way to an Old Married Couple by Veronica Hosking
“The Talk” hosted their first bookbuzz chat on The Secret Lives of Wives by Iris Krasnow earlier this month. I was sent a copy of the book to read and participate in the conversation on November 11th.
As everyone knows if you have been following my blog posts, Shawn and I just celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary. We are well on our way to this destination of old married couple. I found the stories Ms. Krasnow fleshed out in her book to be quite interesting. I started thinking about the journey my husband and I are on.
It started more than twenty years ago. Yes, I married my high school sweetheart. It all began August 1990 when my future husband attended a birthday party my twin sister threw for her boyfriend. I was there, too, hiding behind a book. I wasn’t exactly invited to the party, but it was at our house so I hung around, spying behind a book.
Shawn saw me and thought I was cute. He began calling my sister to set up a date. Well, my sister didn’t get the hint and was setting Shawn up on dates with her girlfriends. Finally on one phone call, Shawn asked, don’t you have a sister?
“Oh yeah, Roni, the phone’s for you.” By this time, eight months had gone by and I had no clue what this boy looked like. The afternoon before our first date, my sister drove me and a friend over to the track where Shawn was running. I wanted to put a face to the voice I heard on the phone. I wrote this poem for the anniversary of our first date.
Running on the track
I see his muscled legs pump
Twenty years ago
I call out innocently
Ducking down not to be seen
Running on the track
He glances back, wondering
Did I hear my name
He runs bewildered to win
Twenty years of happiness
One of the things Krasnow says over and over in The Secret Lives of Wives, have separate interests/hobbies from your husband. Mine is obviously writing. A quality I appreciate about Shawn, he encourages me to write. A few years ago, he bought a blank journal for Valentine’s Day and wrote some love poems in it before giving it to me. He borrowed from other poets.
The next year I gave it back to him with original poems. He enjoys reading my poetry. The journal has the limericks I wrote for our anniversaries. And a few steamy pieces for Shawn’s eyes only. I keep trying to get him to write me original pieces, but I have come to realize poetry is my hobby. He does do well at finding romantic words by others to add to the journal. Since he has a strange sense of humor, this is probably a good thing. I groan at some of the phrases that he finds to be funny.
As Krasnow states at the beginning of her book: “Tactics vary from wife to wife, yet there is a unifying core principle to avoiding divorce… create a marriage that operates on many tracks, integrating friendships with both sexes, work we are passionate about, and new experiences and skills that keep us growing at every age.” (The Secret Lives of Wives, p.14)
Poetry is not a track for my husband. But after twenty years, marriage and two children into our journey, I still find poetic inspiration in him.
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